clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
