Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
