Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
