I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
