I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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