i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
