The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
