chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
