So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
