the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
