I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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