Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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