He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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