when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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