then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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