i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
