how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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