i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
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I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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