Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
