What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
