im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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