So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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