Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
