threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
