I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
