Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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