Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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