oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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