Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
