the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
