I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
