we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
