do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
