saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
