i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
