Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Where is the hickey?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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