I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
