ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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