then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am naked and annoyed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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