I CAN MOONWALK!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
