he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.