maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.