So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?