How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.