I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.