he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.