life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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