BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
