Say something about gay babies.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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