I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
