i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
