I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have feelings that need drinking.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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