How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
