someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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