dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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