I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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