dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
