They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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