my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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