Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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