The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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