he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
