I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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