can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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