WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
