my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
