Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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