I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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